Vulnerability to Connection

In my previous blog, I referred to pride and how it transcended to vulnerability. Finding myself taking this route came with its own daunting challenge amid the clamor of our increasingly arduous world, one that continuously asks us to present an armor. An armor to guard against weakness, risks, and fear, also known as vulnerability. As I navigated through this, I realized that my armor manifested itself as ‘pride’.

Slowly, yet painfully, pride faded away as vulnerability unfolded within me. I feel compelled to continue writing about this journey. I reflect on how vulnerability emerged from pride, allowing me to grow as a human being. I also gave myself permission to connect on a human plane. It’s like I had to ‘suffer into the experience to root out a part of me that was buried.

 

For the first time, I found myself responding to my ‘pride’ on a different pitch.

I allowed myself, albeit not fully, to feel weak.

I acknowledged that I, being a human, needed help from those around me,

and that I was created to connect with other humans.

 

The experience felt like stepping out of agonizing pain and touching something very raw. As vulnerability unfolded within me, there was this pull towards a deeper and more meaningful connection to life. An energy I cannot resist or describe. Maybe it is because I never expressed my vulnerability.

 

I was invited back into the life of human connection, through vulnerability, after concealing myself from it for almost my entire life, albeit subconsciously. Through this, I started to question, ‘what is normal when we refer to human connection? ’It seems like normal often means ‘nothing to see here'. Everything is functioning as it should be and no further inquiry is needed. Hence, I should be obliged to follow the rules as this is how society functions. When it comes to human connection, I ponder upon this verse, and allow myself to question societal norms.

 

وَلَوْلَا دَفْعُ اللَّـهِ النَّاسَ بَعْضَهُم بِبَعْضٍ لَّفَسَدَتِ الْأَرْضُ وَلَـٰكِنَّ اللَّـهَ ذُو فَضْلٍ عَلَى الْعَالَمِينَ  (سورة البقرة، آية ٢٥١)

 'And did not God allow for people to be means for each other, the earth would indeed be full of trouble and vice,but God is full of bounty to all the people of the world' (surat al Baqarah, verse 251)

 

As a reader, you may be from a different societal structure where forming relationships is not something you have to worry about and may be taken for granted. Where I grew up, connecting with others came with its own set of directive regulations veneered with religious and political dogmas. First and foremost, what does religion have to say about this relationship or connection? Is it within the bounds of religion? Are you within the same gender? Do you come from a similar social sphere? Why are you conversing with this person? Is it acceptable socially? These are just a few of the doctrine principles I would question before associating with anyone. Is it reasonable? Should it be this way?

 

Can we endorse the idea of soul-to-soul connections? Can we envision ourselves, and those around us, not as the positions we are conditioned to define ourselves with, or the roles we have in our daily lives; male or female, professional or not, social status, religion, husband, wife, partner, daughter, son, relative. etc.? How far have we gone in trying to dismiss these positions and appreciate each other benevolently from a more 'humanized' perspective? The profound connection that comes with this is blissfully harmonious. In my opinion, this translates to having a connection based on ‘who I am’ as an experience without any identifiable roles.

 

I personally believe that forming a connection with any human, despite the positions and roles embraced, is a natural process that enhances personal growth, contributes to our diversity, and is part of our existence. Ironically, although I doubt the relevance of the positions and roles that we identify with when forming deep connections, and encourage a conception in our minds to foster soul-soul connections, there still seems to be a contradiction that lies in the fact that there is no soul-soul experience without our identities! Or is there?

 

Despite all these muddled lines of thought, I feel like society forces me to judge my relationships into two categories, either right or wrong. Are feelings towards your human connections meant to be judged to fit into a category? Should human connections be confined to culture? God created us and infused us with feelings to direct us. Yet, our human tendency is to rationalize that that cannot be materialized. We want our feelings framed to avoid weakness, shame and vulnerability. In essence, feelings are energetic forces that drive us towards value judgments. It’s not the emotion that is 'right' or 'wrong', it’s our behaviors towards those emotions that need to be considered and rationalized.

 

I learned that for human connection to express itself in its purest form, I have to accept that being vulnerable is an essential part of the process. If this is not recognized, having a relationship with anyone will always feel like there is an intention behind it on a physical plane. It becomes transactional. I am not condemning those kinds of relationships, as they can be meaningful and useful in certain situations, and are very well accepted. However, having a spiritual relationship that transcends the physical plane is a different narrative. One may argue that spiritual gains are also an intention, but this goes beyond any materialistic confinements.

 

The most loyal form of friendship is built on trust, and it is beyond what is defined within a social construct.

When values are shared between two people, they are connected through their experiences. 

This internalizes others' experiences within your own experience, which will deepen any relationship at hand.

Internalizing each other’s experiences is the fundamental fabric of any human-human connection that helps us feel less alone in this world.

 

Human connection is created through shared experiences. Values, beliefs, and interests shared create a harmonious bond within a sphere of influence. There is a profound level of consciousness, coupled with an appreciation for life on a spiritual level. It transcends the physical facets of attraction, and it certainly surpasses romance if experienced with the opposite gender. It’s the highest form of human connection one can attain. The focus is on inspiring and supporting each other's growth, pushing each other to be the most authentic human version of themselves.

 

Can we embrace each other beyond the physical plane and free ourselves from sexual context when connecting to the opposite gender? I believe yes. I understand that opposite gender relationships are often thwarted as they are sexualized and romanticized in most cultures. This is even more so within the social structure of where I live. This makes it more challenging for me as a female in a middle eastern society to consider a purely spiritual relationship with a person from the opposite gender. However, I perceive this to be more of a cultural credence that has been ingrained and instilled into our belief system. If we allow ourselves to reason beyond this we can aspire to a more deep, meaningful relationship. I am certain that healthy relationships can co-exist between opposite genders, without being romanticized or sexualized.

 

Being vulnerable is strange to me. As I entered into the field of an unfamiliar form of human connection, I granted myself permission to identify with the belief that human connection is beyond my culture's doctrines and principles. I offered my vulnerability consent to seep through my pride and connect with others purely from a humanistic perspective. At the beginning, I did not realize I was vulnerable. I cannot tell you the exact time vulnerability came into action, or when a strong connection was established. However, I can describe this bond as analogous to having a companion for your soul. It feels effortless and seamless. Is it really effortless and seamless? I would like it to be as unpretentious as it sounds, but as it turns out it is not! Although the bond is seamless at first, it is not as effortless as it appears to be due to many dilemmas.

 

Despite me owning my thoughts, I realize that I remain accountable and have to make decisions about my relationships. I still have to maneuver through all the dimensions society compels you to, consciously or subconsciously, whether I claim them or not. I still find myself having to conform to societal norms that govern my culture to protect my being and social status. I continually question whether to continue with a human-human relationship, one that feels close to the heart on a spiritual sphere or not?

 

What is the truth about the human-human connection? Does or can it exist? Does it occur in a spiritual realm? Or is it about the ultimate facts defined and imposed on us by our cultures and societies?

Can we study our way into the truth of human connection? 

Truth be told, we are influenced by the mind that was instilled in us before we had a choice.

 

Having to deal with societal norms from a rational perspective in parallel to exposing my vulnerability as a human being to form a connection is complex and exhausting on a mental level. Rationalizing our relationships is simple, as it is what we are trained to do. By assembling walls, we can tailor the connection to society's needs. However, this only serves society's collective minds and not necessarily my authentic self.

 

Vulnerability is challenging, yet paradoxically, through exercising vulnerability and being authentic, you are placed on the path of wholeheartedness. It will come with pain, but it will also come with feelings of being content, seen, and understood. Turns out, connection with humans is tricky. Despite the fact that I believe life invites us to have a human to human connection, I still do not know what I will make out of this. Will I go back to the armor of pride?

 

As long as I allow myself to be vulnerable, it is imperative that I stay conscious of all the societal conflicts that will emanate from my own vulnerability. It will not only be about establishing and maintaining a human connection or relationship, but as part of society's collective value judgements, I will also have to consider preserving myself.

 

I recognize that I have to respect the identities I am attached to. I am a mom, a role model for my children, a wife to a loving husband, a sister, and a professional. What will the future hold if I don’t think rationally? Will I be ready for the consequences? This experience helped me acknowledge how multifaceted vulnerability is when forming strong relationships. While I acknowledge that everyone has the right to live life on their own terms, I recognize that not everyone will be able to overcome societal boundaries, which I fully understand. How can we make real human-human connections in an age surrounded by a myriad of preconceived notions? Soul-soul connections is beyond any culture. It is about compassion, love, and true belonging.

 

I learned that vulnerability at the right place and time will allow me to connect. However, I also appreciate that dealing with social norms is part of the story that I cannot ignore even if I really wanted to. Social norms will dictate certain behaviors that I will have to conform to, whereas vulnerability will probably isolate me from the social norms circle. Unfortunately, I feel that my world of human-human connection is not conducive to allowing a level of high spiritual connection without locking me up to certain chains of rules and regulations set up by societal constraints. I feel I’m back in the vicious cycle between exposing my vulnerability or conforming to societal norms and wearing my pride armor again.

 

I yearn for something deeper than being coated with those traditions. My intellect cries out trying hard to defend, demonstrate, and rationalize all the rules imposed by the cultural milieus. This is against an inner voice that protests against the intellect, screaming; ‘be quiet intellect, let me hear my heart’. If we can express our vulnerabilities more comfortably on a human plane, from a place of authenticity, wouldn’t the energy of life have a better flow?