The Beginning

I'm in the midst of starting a blog to use writing as an expression of my opinions about life and what it means to be human. These thoughts have been confined in my head for years. At this point, I'm anxious and doubtful about the prospect of this new endeavor. I don't know where this will take me and several voices in my head are competing to influence me on a decision.

 

I need to start from somewhere. I'm unsure why, where, what or how at this stage. All I know is that 'I don't know'.

 

 

I have two voices in my head. One voice declares that I need to pursue this, and the other is whispering out every possible reason and surfacing all the fears as to why I should hold back. How do I silence those voices?

How do I know which voice to follow?

 

 

Now a third voice is looming. It is the logical, more reasoning voice. It attempts to persuade me to start, that I will only know if I try. I need to decide to end the conflict and silence all the voices. 

 

Mind block again. The voice of fear is winning now. It's quite strong, as I can feel myself tense, holding back my tears. 'But isn't that silly?' Says my logical voice. 'Why do you want to cry?' I'm doubtful and scared. Am I capable enough? Can I embark on this journey?

 

My logical voice is silent now. I would think this is the voice that would be the loudest, the one that would guide me. But why is it quiet? Why isn't it guiding me? Is the 'voice of fear' holding him or her? Are my voices, 'it', him or her? How should I address these voices? Are they even real?!

 

I need to come back to my mind, my voice, myself. I will refer to this as 'I'. Who am I? Am I the voices in my head? Which voice? Am I my life experiences? Am I my thoughts, my beliefs, my family history? Am I my career? My certificates, accomplishments? Am I my relationships? My hobbies? My illnesses? Who or what defines me? Am I my soul? Or my senses? Am I all of this? Or is this all an illusion to the self that we call 'I'?

 

 

How we define ourselves is merely a mirage of how we perceive our life experiences. The one concrete certainty about life is that it ends,

and we all die.

 

 

Thus, before we leave our bodies, we need to realize that our current life is a fabrication of our thoughts. So, does that make 'I' an illusion of my reality?

 

There are a few references in the Quran about the soul. A particular one that comes to mind as I write this introduction; " And there will come forth every soul: with each will be an (angel) to drive, And an (angel) to Bear witness. * It will be said : Thou wast heedless of this; now have We removed thy veil, And sharp is thy sight this Day! " (Surat Al-Hadid, verse 21-22)

 

*وَجَاءَتْ كُلُّ نَفْسٍ مَعَهَا سَائِقٌ وَشَهِيدٌ * لَقَدْ كُنْتَ فِي غَفْلَةٍ مِنْ هَذَا فَكَشَفْنَا عَنْكَ غِطَاءَكَ فَبَصَرُكَ الْيَوْمَ حَدِيدٌ*  

 (سورة الحديد، الآية ٢١-٢٢)

 

In this verse, we are addressed as souls. Does this refer to our consciousness? Our consciousness has a driving force to direct our intellect, intuitions, and our conscious decisions, such as when to choose pain over comfort or right over wrong. Is intuition a manifestation of our subconscious inner feeling? It's like your 'soul' is guiding you. We craft our realities by contemplating our conscious and subconscious judgements, therefore creating our life experiences. 

 

The Angel that bears witness will reflect on the life you decided to paint through your convictions. He will uncover the veil that disguised your finished portrait based on your evaluations and decisions. Here you will grasp the magnitude of your perceptions and finally be able to see your portrait through the decisions and experiences that lead you to where you are today. Only then can you reconcile with your right or wrong choices to realize whether you aligned with God or not. The challenge is, will you be able to bear witness on time? 

 

Pursuing voice is back: “Start and trust the process”. Trust your coach. He imparts wisdom: "Trust in God, when you put in the necessary work, you will become a vessel for God, and thoughts will flow”.

Where do I start?

I will leave that to the flow of thoughts.